Self pleasure may be an awkward subject to bring up in polite company, but studies show it's a common habit for a huge part of the world's population.
78% of the world's adult population have admitted to 'giving themselves a hand' sometimes. 797,151 Americans are probably masturbating this very minute. The point is many people touch their bodies in private because they enjoy it. And though there's no study-backed verdict on whether masturbation is a must, there are some folks who might like to do it daily, others may only masturbate a few times a year. There’s also lots who have never tried it. And this is all totally healthy. What's not healthy are the countless false beliefs and fears about masturbation.
With masturbation being such a taboo subject (especially for women), it's hard to sift through all the rumors for some helpful insight. So if ever you've found your partner or yourself masturbating at some point and you're worried about what it means for your relationship… Don't. It's a misconception that if you're in a fulfilling relationship, you shouldn't "need" or "want" to masturbate. It's healthy to masturbate if you are partnered and it does not diminish sexual intimacy between couples.
More often than not, the replacement of mutual sex with masturbation in a relationship is a symptom of a bigger problem and a sign of disconnection resulting from deeper relationship issues. In fact, solo play can benefit your relationship and help you be a better partner to your S/O in several ways. Let's see how:
You Know What Works and What Doesn't
Exploring and discovering your own distinct likes and dislikes, and your favorite intimate moves, motions, sex toys and tricks through masturbation helps you understand your body in a way that feels empowering and could be the key to improving your sex life. "Once you figure out how to enjoy yourself, by yourself, for yourself, it’s so much easier to have satisfying, scintillating sexual experiences", sex expert and writer, Alix Fox says. Even better, masturbation is a great way to explore and teach your partner what makes you tick, and showing them how you like to touch your own body shows them how they can make you happy and satisfied without all the guesswork. In short, masturbation makes you better at sex.
Achieving your own sexual pleasure can help you feel more in tune with your body and more confident, making you likely to be more comfortable with your body. Generally, people who masturbate as a form of self-care and relaxation are happier. Being sexually self-aware also translates well to being more expressive and mature in intimate relations. You know what you want, and you go for it. This attitude is usually a great thing for the general health of relationships.
Distance Is Not a Barrier for Love
It's the 21st century. Communication doesn't have to be through the occasional letter, and lovers are no longer tragically star-crossed by distance, and neither is physical loving. For Kay, an auditor living in Palms City, FL managing a long-distance relationship with her partner, who works in Austin, has been easier since they decided to engage in couple masturbation to maintain their sex life and intimacy. "Things are obviously hard when you're physically away from each other" Kay says "But masturbation is a deep, vulnerable act for us. Being able to share that with each other builds trust that lasts despite the distance". Masturbation allows your brain to release feel-good hormones like oxytocin (the hug drug) and dopamine. All of which help you feel closer to your partner.
Your Sex Drive Will Get a Boost
Frequent masturbation improves sex libido. Every time blood is pumped into the genitals, it keeps the tissues primed. Bonus benefit: Frequent blood flow to the genitals is good news for women experiencing menopausal symptoms. No thanks to the body producing lower estrogen levels at that stage, females are more likely to complain of vaginal dryness and sexual dysfunction. Masturbation can be prescribed as physiological therapy to ease discomfort, increase desire, and overall sexual function. Pro Tip: Using lubricants as well as sex toys can go a long way in helping along this process. So don't be shy to lube up.
In the end... all the research, opinions, and advice about masturbation and its possible effects on any relationship can't tell you what's best for you and your partner. When it really comes down to it, what works for one couple might not work for another. A good solution would be a heartfelt and honest talk with your partner about your sexual needs and everything relating to self-touch and what it means for you as a couple - how you define it, what you're sticking with, what you feel about it. Just remember masturbation in a relationship isn't a sign that It's heading for the rocks and most couples find that it only becomes a problem if it interrupts the sense of intimacy and normalcy of the relationship.
